This week hasn't started to well. I spoke with Charlotte last night and she informed me she had had a small disagreement with here dad and his partner. It was fairly trivial but had rubbed Charlotte up the wrong way. Charlotte believes in things being fair and if they are not, is not afraid to speak up and inform everyone. I was trying to reason with her in order for her just to get it off her chest and then let it go. I felt a tinge of sadness that I wasn't at home with her offering her a better solution and telling her to come and stay with Steven and I for a few days till it had all blown over but I was half way across the world and so that wasn't an option. We seemed to smooth it over and she continued to pack her bags for her forthcoming holiday. I just hoped she had forgotten it by the time she returned from Turkey otherwise Steve would be having another lodger whilst I was away (Hannah is still staying with him once a week). I know this might sound strange but at the end of the day he has been in the girls lives for 3 years now and we have been living under the same roof albeit intermittently as they spend the majority of time with my ex husband (too much information, probably but I just want you to get the picture).
Hannah passed her driving theory test and when she sent the text to tell me, I shed a tear!!! as a parent I really should be home to relish and enjoy these moments but when I left for my year long adventure it was with the blessing of both girls. To be honest my children have always just wanted me to be happy......goodness knows how I ended up with 2 beautiful, intelligent beings. Anyway, to top things off, Steven has been ill this week with a tooth infection.....He has hardly spoken to me, his texts have consisted of about two words or often, not even a reply. So hence, I am feeling pretty down in the dumps. I text him tonight and said I was sad and his reply was "I hope you feel better soon, Night x!!!!! WTF!!!! I would have been straight on the phone checking why, was there anything I could do etc etc. I asked if he had realised that he didn't really want to be in a relationship and that he had been really cold towards me this week!! Maybe the distance thing and having time to breathe wasn't going to work after all. I cried myself to sleep....I am praying that this is just hormones and I am just over reacting.
I wake up at 7am (early for me as my body clock has still not adjusted after 4 weeks) and decide no point mopping. "Get your act together and get on with it". Steven sends me a text to say he is feeling better....I don't reply. I need to process for a while before I open my mouth and say the wrong thing......I'm still praying it's hormones!
I had an email from a friend this morning (I have had lots from friends since I've been here, thank you so much for these) by the end I was crying. I am feeling so alone even though I am surrounded by such lovely caring people.... now is this hormones or am I homesick???? Ok, blow your nose, wipe your tears and get on with it. I am just going to write this week off as not a good one and hope that next week is emotionally better for me. Didn't feel like breakfast this morning :( Maybe I should consider the party in the British Compound that a few of the girls had been talking about. Mind you I did hang my party t-shirt up years ago when I gave up everything that was bad for me. "Oh, really, I hear you cry?" Of course I didn't give up the chocolate, just everything else. If only I could tell you what's going on in my head right now....."Right, I am going to stay here for ever"...."No you are not, you are going home in August and never coming back" "Steven and I won't make it through the year" "Of course we will, why are you saying these things" and these positives and negatives go on and on. Not sure I should be telling you all this but it is about my experience in Saudi Arabia and this is what I am experiencing right now at this very moment. Maybe I need to read Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars again because I don't think it has sunk in the first two times. Maybe Steven is reading this? Maybe he is not? Ahhh well, he knows how I feel I've sent him an email explaining it (I prefer this as my method of communication as you can write it, read it, check it is definitely how you want to say it and then delete it if you feel it doesn't sound right. The other person then gets time to process it, think about it for a few day, or forget about it when it slips your mind and then hurry quickly to the email two days later with their reply. When you say it face to face....it comes out totally wrong and you end up falling out over it. I am going to suggest Steven an I continue to communicate like this when I get home lol!
Anyway, back to the story. I walk into work and Mysti asks how I am, I burst into tears......I am praying that this is hormones!!!!! "For goodness sake!! The girls reassure me crying cleanses the soul and they spoke of how they cry all the time. It's amazing how the bond between the instructors has grown so quickly, 5 girls from different corners of the world, supporting each other and sharing their sisterly love. I am very thankful for their hugs this morning and their reassurance that they are going through the same thing, I really needed it. We all have our own personal reasons for being here but the common one is the need for change and by breaking away from the life we know and travelling half way around the world to a place where you know no-one and is so culturally different from home was certainly one of the biggest changes we could make.
We are summand for a fitness meeting with the spa director....I am not really in the mood to be honest but at least after 5 weeks she has decided to show her face. Since arriving here at the spa it has been like being dumped on an orienteering competition to see how much you can get and do on your own without any assistance from the company (and they don't even give you a compass or a map). No help with emergency contact numbers, where to find anything, how to get a sim card (I'm going to dedicate on whole blog for that one!) how to meet others etc etc . I am not going to bore you with the meeting but the only thing that I will say is that she went on and on about sales and commissions which we have no chance of ever hitting the targets. When I took the job she went on about how we could make lots of extra money in commissions but like I said.....NO CHANCE!!!. When I listen to the other girls she has told lots of things that aren't true just in order to get them to take the job. That is why the turnover of staff is so high, no one wants to stay when they feel they have been fed a load of bullshit. I told you I should write this off as a bad week.....
Hannah passed her driving theory test and when she sent the text to tell me, I shed a tear!!! as a parent I really should be home to relish and enjoy these moments but when I left for my year long adventure it was with the blessing of both girls. To be honest my children have always just wanted me to be happy......goodness knows how I ended up with 2 beautiful, intelligent beings. Anyway, to top things off, Steven has been ill this week with a tooth infection.....He has hardly spoken to me, his texts have consisted of about two words or often, not even a reply. So hence, I am feeling pretty down in the dumps. I text him tonight and said I was sad and his reply was "I hope you feel better soon, Night x!!!!! WTF!!!! I would have been straight on the phone checking why, was there anything I could do etc etc. I asked if he had realised that he didn't really want to be in a relationship and that he had been really cold towards me this week!! Maybe the distance thing and having time to breathe wasn't going to work after all. I cried myself to sleep....I am praying that this is just hormones and I am just over reacting.
I wake up at 7am (early for me as my body clock has still not adjusted after 4 weeks) and decide no point mopping. "Get your act together and get on with it". Steven sends me a text to say he is feeling better....I don't reply. I need to process for a while before I open my mouth and say the wrong thing......I'm still praying it's hormones!
I had an email from a friend this morning (I have had lots from friends since I've been here, thank you so much for these) by the end I was crying. I am feeling so alone even though I am surrounded by such lovely caring people.... now is this hormones or am I homesick???? Ok, blow your nose, wipe your tears and get on with it. I am just going to write this week off as not a good one and hope that next week is emotionally better for me. Didn't feel like breakfast this morning :( Maybe I should consider the party in the British Compound that a few of the girls had been talking about. Mind you I did hang my party t-shirt up years ago when I gave up everything that was bad for me. "Oh, really, I hear you cry?" Of course I didn't give up the chocolate, just everything else. If only I could tell you what's going on in my head right now....."Right, I am going to stay here for ever"...."No you are not, you are going home in August and never coming back" "Steven and I won't make it through the year" "Of course we will, why are you saying these things" and these positives and negatives go on and on. Not sure I should be telling you all this but it is about my experience in Saudi Arabia and this is what I am experiencing right now at this very moment. Maybe I need to read Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars again because I don't think it has sunk in the first two times. Maybe Steven is reading this? Maybe he is not? Ahhh well, he knows how I feel I've sent him an email explaining it (I prefer this as my method of communication as you can write it, read it, check it is definitely how you want to say it and then delete it if you feel it doesn't sound right. The other person then gets time to process it, think about it for a few day, or forget about it when it slips your mind and then hurry quickly to the email two days later with their reply. When you say it face to face....it comes out totally wrong and you end up falling out over it. I am going to suggest Steven an I continue to communicate like this when I get home lol!
Anyway, back to the story. I walk into work and Mysti asks how I am, I burst into tears......I am praying that this is hormones!!!!! "For goodness sake!! The girls reassure me crying cleanses the soul and they spoke of how they cry all the time. It's amazing how the bond between the instructors has grown so quickly, 5 girls from different corners of the world, supporting each other and sharing their sisterly love. I am very thankful for their hugs this morning and their reassurance that they are going through the same thing, I really needed it. We all have our own personal reasons for being here but the common one is the need for change and by breaking away from the life we know and travelling half way around the world to a place where you know no-one and is so culturally different from home was certainly one of the biggest changes we could make.
We are summand for a fitness meeting with the spa director....I am not really in the mood to be honest but at least after 5 weeks she has decided to show her face. Since arriving here at the spa it has been like being dumped on an orienteering competition to see how much you can get and do on your own without any assistance from the company (and they don't even give you a compass or a map). No help with emergency contact numbers, where to find anything, how to get a sim card (I'm going to dedicate on whole blog for that one!) how to meet others etc etc . I am not going to bore you with the meeting but the only thing that I will say is that she went on and on about sales and commissions which we have no chance of ever hitting the targets. When I took the job she went on about how we could make lots of extra money in commissions but like I said.....NO CHANCE!!!. When I listen to the other girls she has told lots of things that aren't true just in order to get them to take the job. That is why the turnover of staff is so high, no one wants to stay when they feel they have been fed a load of bullshit. I told you I should write this off as a bad week.....
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